I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
