I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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