oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
