So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Someone shattered a urinal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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