I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
