My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
