I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
