yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
