last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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