Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
