I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
