Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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