Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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