The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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