I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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