he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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