I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
fuck your aforementioned shoe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
