Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
