my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
