1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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