he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
