woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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