Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
