I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
