I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
