Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
