I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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