Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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