Jerry, you need to find god
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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