dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
