i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
