Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
