he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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