come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
