So drunk its hurt
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
two words...techno handjob
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
