he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
