I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
