this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
