I heard we made out
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
