Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
