im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
