Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
