Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
