Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
