No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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