Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
