last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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