I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
