No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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