If i come over, it means nothing
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
