Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
